Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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