I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
