Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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