Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
