my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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