: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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