Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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