Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
