Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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