We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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