Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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