Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
