I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
