I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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