Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize