quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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