Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
