All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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