Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
