Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
