It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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