What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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