Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
