found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
