When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
