Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
