? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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