I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
