I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have post one night stand depression
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
