I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
