it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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