He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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