we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
