Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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