my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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