this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
