Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize