In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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