Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
