If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
