why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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