oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
