Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
