I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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