this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They took my balls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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