She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
