Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
