Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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