oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
