I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
