I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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