I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
