I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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