Soap is not a condiment
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
