I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have fence marks all over my body
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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