I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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