I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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