wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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