right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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