We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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