marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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