im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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