I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize